It's been two months since your sister joined our family. You are still my sweet angel and my heart explodes watching you be such an incredible big brother. The way you care about your sister, how you always want to hold her, help me change her diaper, how you jump up "Oh! Charlie's crying!" and run off to find out what's wrong makes me so proud of you. If she's upset in the car you sing to her, it's usually Old McDonald but you are also starting to like Hush Little Baby and Rockabye Baby being sung to both of you so I think you might sing that soon too.
I know some families do not experience such a positive transition when a new baby joins the family and I can't help but burst with pride when I see how wonderful you are with her. It makes me feel like Daddy and I are doing something right in how we are choosing to raise you but honestly I think this mostly comes from who you innately are. We talked about this transition quite a bit before it happened but you make it seem mostly effortless.
This big brother thing is not only teaching you to be sweet with your sister and babies in general but to be kind and gentle with others as well. You have started to randomly ask whether I "need anyfing" and if you can "help me with anyfing". You now love to engage younger kids in your games and take care of them in the best way a two year old can. We are even starting to get comments about how great you are with babies and little ones like yourself. Someone told me this past weekend "he is just so kind to other kids" and I couldn't hide my beaming smile.
When you play by yourself you are making sure your animals are well fed and you put them down for naps and bedtime. You also request Daddy and I use quiet voices so we don't wake your buddies, "they need to sleep Mama". You make us pretend coffee and bacon and "fix" our bed with your tools.
My favorite thing was when you told me "one day I'm going to build you a big house Mama and you can live in it. Daddy can live there too"
And then...you act out a bit and I have to remind myself that two months ago your world changed forever.
It hasn't been all roses and rainbows and I know you will have an ever changing relationship with your sister but you have more than surpassed our catiously optimistic thoughts for our future family dynamic.
A few days ago I became frustrated with you and you could feel it. Daddy had been extremely busy with work and was at his second evening event of the week, thus I was juggling you two on my own for the previous few days. It was dinner time and you were doing the standard 2
year old whining and tantrum thing, you wanted me to hold you and play with you but between your hungry/crying sister and trying to get you some decent food I physically could not give you the attention you were seeking. Although you need to know that I desperately wanted to. During our bedtime chat I apologised for being frustrated and explained getting used to our dinner routine with two kids is sometimes hard for me, especially when you both need something at the same time. I asked if you could feel I was frustrated. You replied yes, then I took a breath and I asked if it makes you sad preparing myself for a stinging answer. You shook your head no and said "I'm okay mama...I'm happy" that BLEW.ME.AWAY. How mature you are to take this in stride. You understood my frustration in that moment during dinner did not apply to our whole relationship. Just because I was upset an hour before, (not even really at you because well, you're 2) didn't mean those feelings carry over to always. It made me wonder more about the depth of your understanding of people which already seems well beyond your years.
Outwardly you seem fine with this transition. Although in various exchanges like the above I can tell you are inwardly processing and probably struggling with some big emotions not only about being a toddler but being a big brother, something you never asked for.
I also saw that while you said you were "ok" and "happy" you do have some other underlying feelings you aren't expressing. It seemed like maybe you knew the "right" answer in the situation and chose the words you did almost to protect me. My son, my sweet first born, is already trying to take care of his Mama.
I ask you often how it's going being a big brother and again outwardly you tell me "it's good!" "I like it" "I love my sister mama" and I try to not take that at face value because as your mama I know. I see there is more to it. I try to respond neutrally like "Alright but it's ok if you don't always feel that way or if sometimes you are sad about it."
I'm seeing a lot of "boy" personality traits in you, especially when it comes to being emotionally strong, being a rock. You have a double dose of that from both your Dad and I. You can talk about your feelings just fine but they don't seem to shake you. I hope this chacteristic turns in to you being able to process the tough emotions that come with life, moving them aside and pushing forward while finding the positive in everything.
Just in case you didn't already know, I could not be more thankful for you.
Love,
Mama
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