What People Say: Pregnancy

I could probably write a book on this one because I have so many stories...people just can't keep their comments to themselves. Telling people you are expecting is a wonderful and exciting...and then you get the questions from people who need a little more tact and should spend a few minutes just being happy for you. 

• Is the Dad going to get a better job?
• Oh can you afford to move from your 1 bedroom?
• You look like you are going to pop, when are you due?
• Look at your BIG bump?
• Didn't you JUST have one?
• You'll never sleep again...
• You must be having twins...
• Holy stretch marks!
• Umm aren't you a little old?
• What a tiny bump...
• Same Dad as the first?
• I just thought you were gaining weight...
• You look VERY pregnant
• But, you don't look pregnant?
• You're getting a second plate?
• You aren't eating enough for two!
• Aww your poor stretched out face...
• Baby is only the size of an avocado, what else is in there?
• You dyed your hair?!?!
• But that box of Oreos isn't organic

People have either said these things to me or I've heard them said to others. Probably most people have gotten or heard the "wow you are huge" genre of comments. I hear the opposite observation, for some reason I always appear to be very small, as in half the size of any of my pregnant friends even at D-Day and guess what? I also think it is odd! Every single appointment the doctor told me you look small but you're measuring right on the money. 

Although I enjoy avoiding most of the shopping required by pregnancy, it feels odd and anticlimactic to be halfway through your pregnancy, planning the nursery and day-dreaming of maternity leave without even having a single person notice.  As I sit here at 19 weeks barely having to disguise this bump (if you can even call it that) I am realizing I look more like I ate too many burritos than someone who is 19 weeks in to this adventure and it becomes ever-more apparent that I show later and not as much.

Being pregnant you already feel so judged as people evaluate your choices to eat sushi and soft cheese, taste some wine, the pacifiers you put on your registry, the list goes on. They look you up and down every time they see you, cataloging the various changes, her face isn't as bloated as so and so's, her butt is huge, wow her skin looks like it did in middle school when people called her pizza face. I know you do it and you know what, I did too. Through my experiences during my first pregnancy I really noticed how negative and unbecoming it was and vowed to be intentional about my thoughts towards others. Partly because it's the right thing to do and partly because I would never want a child I raise to think it's acceptable to use anything other than kind words towards others. I strongly believe thoughts -->words-->actions and I won't have that unpleasantness (or worse) in my home. 

Everything you notice about someone, they see ten-fold, all day, everyday, so let's say positive things and send them positive thoughts. You thought the judgement ended when you left high-school didn't you? Well there's a whole new set of mean girls coming your way and unfortunately they are the girls of old who never found a better way. Unfortunately,this is a reality of life and particularly in the tribe motherhood.

In my first pregnancy I remember going to a bridal shower at 37 weeks for a friend who was 26 weeks. With only two pregnant ladies at the party everyone asked when I was due and you could see the shock, confusion, and then concern that I was so much smaller than my pregnant comrade. I mean her belly was literally twice the size of mine (we did that measure your belly with a string shower game so I know this for a fact) and if I had never been pregnant before I would probably have the same confusion as others but I would hope that the poise taught to me by my southern mother would never allow the emotions to be written all over my face. My friend looked great and healthy btw, not "HUGE" so there was no way for people to mentally reconcile away the difference amd the comments just popped out unfiltered. One mom I've known for 13 years (a MOM! Can you believe that? And she's a Grandma to boot!) in particular was really harping on it asking questions like "the doctor didn't say anything?", "so the baby is healthy?", "are you sure they checked?" "wait so the doctor isn't concerned about the baby's health?".  I mean this went on and on as we sat together watching the

mama-to-be open her gifts so there was no politely excusing myself. I rarely let anything get to me but I remember being so distraught that night and crying in bed about how people could be so judgmental and the world our son will face. The doctor and I knew our baby was healthy and I was offended. I took it as people clearly thinking I was already a clueless and incompetent mother.  And if I am being honest, from that night on I prayed at least once a day that our son would be born weighing more than 8lbs. 

When my husband confided in our doctor about this situation he summed up everything I was feeling perfectly, "how offensive, as if they think you wouldn't be worried about this and already have done the research, asked the questions, done the googling..."

Listen, I appreciate the care, concern and attention genuinely given by our friends and family but do you think I'm totally oblivious to these "differences" in my my life, my pregnancy? That I haven't already googled the bejeez out of this, searched the depths of the internet for an answer? 

When our sweet boy came out at a healthy 8lbs 1 oz (nearly a whole pound heavier than all the other moms-to-be I knew) the petty side of me thought boo-ya grandma, BAM, in your face nosy on-lookers I have a perfectly healthy baby, normal (not my favorite word) size baby all long (not that weight defines health or that a less hefty baby is less healthy but I think you know what I'm saying here). It's

silly but I felt validated. 

Obviously this kind of negative talk and judgement goes far beyond interactions with pregnant women so let's remember and strive to keep things positive in all facets of our lives and at the very very least be nice to the hormonal, sweaty, pregnant ladies because they took the leap of faith to construct a human while both tending to business as usual and sacrificing life as they know it for forever and ever and ever.

So what can you say to a pregnant woman? An emphatic (1) Congratulations!! and (2) You look GREAT!

 

Happy New Year!

Welcome 2015! 

2014 was an incredible year watching our tiny baby grow in to a little 19 month old boy. Besides that full time responsibility of *learning* to be parents we spent the majority of our days celebrating upcoming nuptials for 10 couples. We saw some of our very best friends get married and stood with them on their big day. We celebrated our 11th high school reunion, the Bair's first Birthday, my sisters engagement, and our 4th anniversary with our first weekend sans Bair. We are and drank our weight in Chicago pizza, Zolo coffee, Einstock beer and Strauss eggnog. 

We continued to tackle small house and yard projects, saving the big stuff for 2015 when we are home more (yeah right!). The Hubs and I both got new jobs and then found out we have a new addition joining the family in the span of 48 hours. The Bair also has a cousin on the way and some close friends are pregnant too!

It was an exciting, exhausting, full, and survival mode kind of year so if 2015 is anything like 2014, we know it will be another eventful one full of dirty diapers, brides and grooms, and slobbery open mouth kisses (from the babies, get out of the gutter). 

Our year in review via flipagram via YouTube...

Some News...

It's pretty far along to share this news but with all the busy-ness of the past few months, exhaustion, food aversions and chasing a toddler who runs everywhere. We are so thankful to announce we'll be welcoming a little girl in to our family this June.

I'm currently 18 weeks along and finally started feeling normal at 16 weeks. The morning sickness started so early with this one, (at about 4 wks) I was sure I had the flu that would never end and finally realized what this probably meant. After three months of intense food aversions and really boring meals I've come out on the other side feeling normal again.

The Bair picked up his first serious cold which he's passed around (to even the extended family) so as I currently recover from it I am really looking forward to getting better and feeling more useful. 

She's due in about 6 months, plenty of time to get things in order but with Christmas and showers already planned I am feeling I pressure to nail down what we need for her. We spent a little time shopping yesterday and it felt odd to be in the girls section, like I couldn't be buying for my own daughter (for some reason I thought I would have a couple boys first, then a girl). Anyone who knows me knows I firmly stay away from the "girlier" items like pink, flowers, bows and ruffles. I still think it's so cute on other babies (no judgement) it's just not my jam and never has been even since I was very young. In a nutshell I want to dress her in mostly the type of things I would wear and basics that go with everything, save a hair clip or tie for a pebbles-like ponytail because that is just too cute (now she'll probably be bald for a year and half). These parameters really narrow the options but hasn't been too much to ask. It was good to see that even with my pinhole focus I could find a few things even at the most mainstream stores. 

I know you're thinking I'll probably give this girl some type of complex but as soon as she is old enough to choose I would love her to pick out whatever she wants to wear - until she's a teenager of course and then there will be a whole new set of "cover up the goodies" parameters. So I think I'll avoid any long term damage but we'll start putting away money for the therapist just in case. 

If you have any ideas for some non-pink/flowery nurseries please pass them along. I think I'm leaning towards white furniture with gold and navy accents, maybe a little aqua too if this palette seems to bland. 

At What Cost?

A year and a few days ago we moved in to our dream home. It has just enough rooms, just enough yard, just enough living space and just enough storage for our future family. The only hitch is it really fits our future family. It's a little more than we need currently, although a lot can change in a year or two or three. If two years ago you told me I would be living in a new house, much less this house, I would have sent you to the loony bin. Except, things changed,

we sold, we bought, we moved and here we are. Truly, we never should have gotten this house, our offer never should have been selected among the many others, our loan never should have been approved, but after a lot of prayer (and I mean a lot, like almost constant) there was a chain of perfectly timed events as this reality unfolded before us and it was clear this was part of God's perfect plan for our family. Every day we are thankful for this opportunity and the future this change lays before us.

We are thankful to have this home where our son and future children can play hide and seek, shoot hoops, make up secret hand shakes, walk to school, hang in the playhouse and bug the other kids in the neighborhood. I can picture all of it, especially the loud and messy family dinners, I just can't wait. Raising our kids in one home without moving is exactly what we always wanted but wrote it off because this seemed impossible. 

Currently though, the house really is a little more than we need. Attempting to clean, decorate, and fill this house with furniture has been a beast. Not only do I not have time to Pinterest the heck out of this place and make decisions, I don't have the means to buy all new furniture and decor to make the rooms cohesive. Sometimes I am completely okay with the lack of, well anything that looks good in my house. Rather I focus on my family, friends and the present. Other days, it feels like an overwhelming responsibility (not an amazing opportunity) sometimes, especially when I see my friends perfectly decorated homes, I just don't understand how they can so quickly pull a place together with fabulous furniture, couches, dining room tables, mirrors, lamps (why are lamps so expensive!?!?) Our main couch is from Costco and I'm pretty sure we'll keep it in our family room for a few more years. It helps that this couch is ridiculously comfortable and never shows a stain.

Internally, I feel such a struggle to present a nice home, nothing over the top but something warm and inviting, like I don't know, a table in the dining room, door handles that don't stick, and doors that are new enough to fit this century weather stripping but I also feel compelled to live biblically when it comes to material possessions. This can mean a lot of different things to people depending on what God has called them to do but for me, as it relates to my home, it means living simply and minimizing purchases of goods. There was just a really great sermon about this at church hitting on exactly what I'm discussing here. Even if you don't believe in God I think this is something to see, we all feel the pressure or the NEED to live in a certain neighborhood, buy this purse, send kids to her school, get those kids on his team, but at what cost? What are you giving up while you chase these "NEEDS". What really is the return on the commitments you make to get yourself or your family the things you "NEED"? I've seen quite a few Pinterest and blog posts stating...

which is often stated in the context of children but I think it's applicable to broader situations. Things which might seem necessary in the moment but in reality these don't bring joy or further a purpose. "Need" is a relative term of course but I really try to be thankful for the roof over our heads, indoor plumbing and other luxuries we seem to forget are not available to the majority of the world. 

We all have a thing or two in our home that bothers us and one of my things has always been weather stripping. I have no idea why but I remember my dad replacing it every couple years before winter arrived. Anyhow our house has none, it drives me insane and after consulting a few people our options are get new doors or deal with the lack of insulation and the bugs coming through the gaping holes (ok, I guess maybe they're cracks). That's just one of my many struggles right now while trying to decide what we save, what we spend for ourselves: dinners out, drinks, gifts for friends...and how we support causes close to our heart, while still paying our regular monthly expenses: utilities, mortgage, etc. (which are obviously a top priority from a credit standpoint). Do we save the money? Donate it an organization for people who don't even have a roof over their head? Or bite the bullet and appease our (my) need for first world comforts, justifying it because I need this for my sanity? I mean I really do need to stop chasing down bugs with spray bottles of water, vinegar and tea tree oil and one of the bugs could bite my little baby and what if he ate a spider and my home is hotter/colder and my energy use is not efficient and that means we will be wasting money, and...and...and....

So that's what we are evaluating now and I think this will be an ever shifting list of priorities as Husband and I get older, grow in our careers, have more children, those children get busy, and our friendships grow and change. We should always be in a season of reevaluation and I pray we have the wisdom, foresight, and courage to see when we are being called to make a shift.  

How do you handle these types of situations, what is your tipping point for whether you save, spend, or donate?  What is one thing you think you could let go of that doesn't have a real purpose in your life?

*Salsa* to Brighten Your Monday

That's my guy!

Weekend Roundup 8.30.14

Have a wonderful LONGGGGG weekend, hopefully there is some adventure and relaxation in your future!

No bake peanut butter pie

I should be doing this more

Finally some reasonable priced denim, I can't wait to try a pair!

I met the sweet founder of Austin Cocktails and tried the Cucumber Vodka Mojito, Tea Twister and Paradise Found. If you like summery pour over ice cocktails check them out! They're hoping to be in Bevmos early next year! 

How to breastfeed appropriately

How many ounces in a glass of wine? That explains the hangover. 

I want to be invited!

Pregnancy Week 15 - 11.28.12 & My SIL's Engagement

Written 11.28.12...

Thanksgiving was excellent and tasty at the Lake Tahoe Ritz.  Other big news is that my sister in law (SIL) is ENGAGED!!  Very exciting and we could not be happier for her and her fiancé, (welcome to the family T!!!)  It looks like I just picked up another fun project for the next few months - can't wait to start wedding planning with the SIL :)

And some other fun activities...

 

In other news.....

Little Bean we know what you are now!!!  Everyone was so excited to find out, we all headed over to Gimi and Poppa's (my parents) to share the news. We created a large surprise box filled with balloons which when opened would tell everyone what you are.

Team Boy...

Team Girl...


Drum roll please...

    

Your are a BOY!!!!


Everyone else is just as excited as us, thank you all for the sweetest cards, calls and texts...

Look what you had to say to those who thought you were a lady...we need to work on your manners.

Feeling:

Everything is going well this week just some uterus stretching which feels like a closed fist trying to expand and stretch inside of me.

Eating:

Samesies as before (eggnog, Indian food, rice, white potatoes) and mustard

Aversions: 

Meat, salad, nut butters

Thoughts: 

We would be thankful no matter what but this news is particularly great because I didn't realize how nervous I was for a girl until grandma and great Auntie pulled out the American Girl doll catalog. Hubs and I are not ready for that yet, God definitely blesses you with the baby you are meant to have. I am starting to kind of like some little girl things though so maybe after raising BBK (Baby Boy K) for a few years I will be ready for a girl?

Weight:

126.2lbs, gain of 3.1 lbs